Getting a divorce can be a very traumatic experience. It is a difficult thing to deal with, even if both spouses are amicable. If you have made the decision to dissolve your marriage, it’s important that you know the steps involved in getting a divorce. You also need to know how to find a good divorce lawyer. You probably want the divorce to be over and done with as soon as possible. But it’s important that you realize that a divorce takes time and money.

How to get a divorce
1) Making decisions. Before you legally file for divorce, you’re going to need to make some important decisions. What grounds will you be stating for divorce? The most common grounds for divorce are irreconcilable differences, followed by mental cruelty and physical cruelty. In many states, you can get a no-fault divorce. This states that one spouse cannot prove the other spouse did anything wrong. You’ll also need to make decisions about the custody and visitation of your children (if any). Other topics to consider are what property you want, which debts you will pay and what child support you will need.

2) File divorce forms. Once you’ve made these decisions, it’s time to file your divorce forms. Each state has different forms, so it’s important to use the help of a divorce lawyer. They will help you select the forms you need to fill out. Your divorce lawyer will also help you complete forms fully and accurately. If you do not spell out your desires fully, you may not get what you are asking for.

3) Discuss the divorce with your spouse. If you have not told your spouse about your desire for a divorce already, now is the time. You will need to present your spouse with a copy of your divorce papers. If they agree to the terms of the divorce and waive being served, then they will need to sign and notarize the forms. (If they do this, skip to step five). If they do not agree to the divorce terms as you have specified and do not sign the forms, you will need to serve them the divorce papers.

4) Serving divorce papers to your spouse. After you have served your spouse divorce papers, they have 30 days to file a response. If they do not file a response in that timeframe, then you need to request a hearing. If they do file a response, then you can request a hearing immediately upon their filing of the response. If it appears from your spouse’s filing that they have a divorce attorney, and you do not, it is important that you get one. You will not be able to represent yourself adequately against a divorce attorney. That means you will most likely end up on the losing end of the divorce.

5) Divorce hearing. A divorce hearing is when you and your spouse, along with your attorneys, meet before a judge to present your divorce case. It’s important that you make sure you have all of the paperwork from your divorce with you. You should also have any evidence needed for the grounds for your divorce. You may even want to write out statements on child custody/visitation, spousal support, etc. This will ensure that you do not forget anything when testifying to the judge.

6) Ending the divorce process. After your hearing, the judge will make a decision on your divorce terms. There will be more forms to file. There is usually a waiting period between the judgment and the day your divorce is legally final.

Divorce Mediation
This is a simplified version of the divorce process. It does not cover any divorce mediation that may need to take place between spouses who cannot agree on their terms. If you and your spouse are not getting anywhere with the mediation process, consider hiring a divorce mediator to help you make these decisions. Often your attorneys will not be able to do the mediation. They are, after all, looking out for your best interests. A separate divorce mediation officer tries to make things work for both parties. They look to the overall success of the divorce mediation process.

Finding a good divorce lawyer
It’s always a good idea to use a lawyer who specializes in divorce. While it is possible to do some divorces on your own, if your spouse has hired a lawyer, you will also need one. If the divorce is contested or there are issues between you and your spouse, a good divorce lawyer is a necessity. They will make sure that you know and understand your legal rights. They will fight for your best interests in mediation and in court.

But finding a good divorce lawyer isn’t easy. There are many divorce lawyers out there – some are great, and some are not so great. So how do you find a good divorce lawyer who will understand you, make you feel comfortable, and get you the divorce terms you deserve?

• Shop around. Do not look up the first divorce attorney in the phone book and call it good. Use resources such as phone books and Internet lawyer databases. Also, make sure to ask around. Chances are you have a friend or family member who has recently been through a divorce. They can give you a recommendation.
• Interview divorce lawyers. Once again, it’s important to not just pick the first lawyer on your list or go with a friend’s recommended. While that lawyer might have been good for your friend, they might not be best for you. Make a list of questions and visit with each divorce lawyer on your list. Here are some potential questions

• What are your fees?
• Will I be required to pay a retainer?
• Will you handle my case or will you pass it on to a junior associate?

• Present your goals. Lay out your divorce terms so the lawyer can see what your goals are. This will help you determine which lawyers think your terms are attainable and which ones may not be able to get you what you want.
• Look at a fee agreement. You will probably receive a fee agreement that states what the fees will be for the lawyer to handle your case. By signing this agreement, you are contractually binding yourself to this divorce attorney for the duration of your divorce case. Do not feel rushed or forced into signing this document. If you have other lawyers to interview, don’t be afraid to say that you’re not ready to make a decision. You always have the option to contact them later.
• Make a decision. Now that you’ve done your homework, it’s time to make a decision. The divorce lawyer you select should be one you feel comfortable with. They should think that your divorce terms are attainable, be within your budget, and have a good reputation. Once you’ve decided, you can sign the fee agreement. At this time, it’s a good idea to call the other divorce lawyers to let them know that you won’t need their services.

While divorce is a difficult thing to go through, it doesn’t have to be confusing or overwhelming. Educate yourself on how to get a divorce and find a good divorce lawyer. This will arm you with the tools you need to make it through this difficult time in your life.